To my fellow job hunters

Rosie’s take on… Job hunting 

Get qualified in something you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life. Because they’re probably not hiring. 

Anyone else find that job searching is like a cruel, misunderstood joke? I’m sure somewhere there’s a bunch of CEO’s all cackling along like the laugh track in a 90’s sitcom. But here I am, totally missing the punchline, slaving away on job sites to no avail. It’s not even that I’m picky. One of the joys of having only very vague ideas about what you want to do with your life, is that you’re not picky when it comes to applying for jobs. I just want to experience everything and figure out my life somewhere along the way. Too bad the act of job hunting is determined to make me suffer for what I can only assume I did in a past life to piss off the universe. 

Below is a fairly accurate job description for advertised positions of today:

– Graduate position 

– Must have minimum 25 years experience, including experience as a CEO and managing a team of 100+ 

– People who haven’t been to the moon need not apply

– *Volunteer position only, no remuneration*

– (We only read 50% of the applications, so good luck. And we won’t tell you if you’re one of them, even if you get the job. Which you probably won’t. Because we actually aren’t so sure we need to hire anyone anymore, we’re just putting the ad out there so HR is happy with us) 

Man, job searching is tough. 

Too qualified. Not qualified enough. We don’t need you for this position, you’ve got too much experience and will expect too much pay, we’ll hire a 16 year old instead. 

We don’t need you for that position, you don’t have much experience and there’s so many people searching for jobs right now that we can take our pick. We also don’t need to alert you to say we received your application, or to let you know you were unsuccessful; we like to keep you guessing. 

We need someone with at least three different degrees but don’t expect to be paid for your work until you’ve been here for a year. We need you to fill in a 10 hour long application form, but beware, the out-of-date system we use has a tendency to crash just as you’re about to submit it. But you don’t mind re-doing it, often more than once, right? You must have heaps of spare time; you’re unemployed, after all. 

We won’t accept resumes in person, only online. But then we can’t judge your personality well from paper, so we’ll just find someone internally instead. You must address your cover letter by name to our recruitment manager, but we won’t tell you their name. Whoever guesses it correctly wins! Thanks for applying, you’ll be hearing from us never. 

While job searching can feel like everyone is laughing at you, I know a lot of people are experiencing the same struggle at the moment. Just keep on doing what you gotta do. Have a giggle about it, and remember that a lot of other people are also searching. That doesn’t mean that you are any less valuable, just that you have to work a little harder to stand out in the big crowd of hopefuls. 

As I continue on my job searching journey, I’ve got a casual job I love with an amazing team, and I have the satisfaction of teaching high school students English. I guess I don’t have it too bad after all 👍🏼

This dog is me

2 thoughts on “To my fellow job hunters

  1. I hear ya. Job postings are basically a company’s way of saying, “We don’t want to hire anyone, but are required to make it look like we are, so here are qualifications you can’t meet.”

    Liked by 1 person

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