Rosie’s take on… ‘Over-sharing’
You know how there’s all these Mum pages and blogs these days (like The Modern Mumma Mel Watts and Constance Hall, my two favourites) telling us all the real stuff about babies and being a mum? They’re totally getting rid of the stigma of keeping undesirable things quiet and just being open about everything. I love it, I think we absolutely should be able to accept that not every moment will be a best-mum-in-the-world moment. Women everywhere are uniting in what we can all relate to, and I’ve never seen as much positivity in a comment section than I have on these pages. But you know what else we need? For other problems to be out in the open too. For other topics to receive such positive, supportive responses. And I don’t just mean on social media.
I really hate that stigma that comes along with talking about your problems, like you’re being too emotional, overly attention-seeky, and over-sharing. Why can’t we just all tell it as it is? The thing is, the more you talk to people about your problems, the more you realise that more often than not, SO many people can relate. Most of the time, you’re not alone. There is always someone who can sympathise. We absolutely should be able to talk about our issues, complaints or problems publicly if we want, without that horrible quiet response from people, or the silent ‘unfriend’ on Facebook, when someone feels you’re looking for attention, you’ve over-shared, shown too much emotion, or in any way shown you’re not a robot that’s happy all of the time.
I absolutely love Constance Hall and Mel Watts, and I love how popular their pages are because everyone can relate to them. And I guarantee a lot of people can relate to what I’ve been bitching about since I got home to Perth a month ago. So ladies, men, husbands, wives, friends. Don’t just quietly look the other way when someone you know is going through something. And I don’t just mean something you would label as ‘catastrophic’, or worthy of an emotional breakdown. I mean anything.
You cannot measure the level of disaster as worthy or not before deciding to be supportive. Like, right now, I wish with all of my heart I was back in New York City (and it was still summer) rather than here, where Perth has apparently decided spring doesn’t exist this year, and I have to keep a brave face and be an adult through all the challenges thrown my way in the last few months. And even if some people deem that to be on the lower end of the problem scale, it’s still an issue I’m facing. And that’s okay.
So even if you don’t think it’s a particularly big issue, be there for your people. Let them know that their problems matter, even if they seem trivial to you.
You can’t tell someone how they should feel. You can’t tell them they can’t feel a certain way. So yes, I wish I was in New York still. I wish it was bloody warmer. I wish a lot of the challenges I’ve faced this year had never happened. And that’s okay. Just like it’s okay for me to feel overwhelmed with my family looking and feeling nothing like it did 6 months ago, my parents separating, not having my own house, not being able to find a job, and totally losing any form of motivation for the gym.
It’s okay to feel like it’s going to overwhelm you as long as it doesn’t. It’s okay to want to quit as long as you don’t. So all I’m asking is we accept that same transparency that Mel Watts and Constance Hall have, across the board. I love the Queen movement, but you shouldn’t need strangers on the internet to make you feel like you’re a Queen (or King, for all the gents reading); the people around you should support you and make you feel like that no matter how minor or major your current emotional stress. You shouldn’t need strangers on the internet to recognise that your feelings, emotions and problems are valid. The people around you should already do that. Your problems are valid.
Believe me, right now I know the rollercoaster; I know how quickly the car at the highest point of the rollercoaster can plummet to the very lowest point. And I have some amazing people supporting me through that. But feeling that I ‘can’t post about it’ on social media for a fear of ‘over-sharing’, or worse, ‘looking for attention’, is ridiculous. The reality is, whether you think I’m whinging too much or not: my family that was always so close is falling apart, I don’t have a house, I can’t find a job, I wish I was back in New York City, Perth weather is making me think spring was cancelled this year (except for the allergies, which I have never experienced worse than right now), and I’ve started to get fat. There it all is, laid out for you all to see. Think I’ve over-shared? Think I’m complaining too much? Sorry, not sorry.
(Also, seriously, if you haven’t already, check out these two amazing women. One day I’ll probably be a Mum and I feel like I’ll be a hellavulot more prepared for it thanks to these two women keepin’ it real. Thanks, fellow Queens).