Technology scares me 

Rosie’s take on… (Scary) technological advances 

You know how the grandmas and grandpas of the world, as a general rule, struggle with simple technology such as mobile phones and computers, because they’re still relatively new advances? How everyone laughs and has a joke when Grandma tries to send an email and can’t figure it out? Well, I think we should cut Grandma some slack. I’m not even twenty one years old and the technological advances are already beyond me. 

I’m growing old before my time. It’s not just that I can literally see the wrinkles forming, and my eyesight without my glasses is pretty much non-existent, but I am already struggling to keep up with the advances in technology. 

I have a very up to date phone; iPhone 6, check. I have a laptop, check. I have a TV, check. Fitbit, check. And I can pretty much use them unaided, except for the occasional help from my Dad or older sisters. But that’s about it. I don’t even have Skype. I don’t have an iPad or a tablet, and I definitely don’t have a printer that can print me out actual objects

Honestly, 3D printing freaks me out probably the most. What does it even mean? You can just print fucking objects now? I can’t even work a regular printer to print off my uni assignments properly. Now people can just print things, like a gun? No sir, I’ll have none of that. Everyone’s getting all excited about 3D printing, but I’m actually scared of it. The concept actually scares me. Where does it stop? Like can I decide that I want a new bed and just print myself one? I need a new outfit for the weekend, better print one off. Can you print food? “Hi honey welcome home, dinners ready, fresh off the printer.” How the heck does a 3D printer even work and why

Also, 3D TVs. So now we can just watch 3D at home? I remember when we used to have to go to the movies and have those horrendous paper red and blue glasses, and I’d have to try to balance them on top of my actual glasses. Then they bought out those sturdier plastic glasses with the black frames (all the juvies would pop out the lenses and wear them as glasses and think they were awesome), and I’d have even more trouble trying to balance them on my face with my real glasses underneath. It was once a novelty to go see a 3D movie at the movies. And now we can just do it at home

I literally fear the future. The other day, my phone just up and told me that if I left now, it would take me 56 minutes to get home from where I was. How the hell does my phone know where I live? I clicked on it, and sure enough, it opened up the maps with a pin on my house and my address. Then, when I was home, it told me it would take me 16 minutes to get to work. I work like 2 minutes away so I clicked on it, assuming it was wrong, and it seems I spend more time at the gym than at work because it had pinpointed my gym. I guess that stands, I do work out at the gym. But still, how does my phone know that?? I copied a link in Safari on my phone the other day. When I went into my Facebook app next, a message came up asking if I wanted to share the link I’d recently copied. That could get real messy real fast if people aren’t careful what they’re copying. Plus, how tf does my Facebook app know what I was doing in my Safari app? Pretty soon my phone will be asking me if I enjoyed my cup of green tea, and would I like for it to bring the car around for me?

I can literally transfer all of my funds electronically with a few taps of my fingers. When interest is paid into my savings account I can immediately transfer in like $0.73 to make it a whole number again to keep the OCD in me happy. Because having aesthetically pleasing whole numbers in my savings account is what matters to me, and my banking app is there to make it happen.

I love my phone, I love being able to contact people easily and I love easy access to social media. But I wish it would stop growing, stop advancing. I’m getting scared. I can unlock my phone with a fingerprint, and Lisa and I can unlock each other’s phones with our fingerprints too, because we programmed that in there as a way of showing our dominance. 

If my phone is plugged in and I say the words “hey, Siri”, she comes on. Like she was listening. Like she’s always listening to me waiting for me to need her. What even is Siri? 

Suddenly we’re allowed to do all these crazy things on airplanes. Like in-flight wifi? We don’t even have to turn off our phones anymore? They give each seat your own personal iPad to have for the flight. What is that all about? When I was a kid and I went on a plane I remember being given a colouring-in book and some crayons, and being darn happy about it, too. 

My sister has one of those crazy Apple watches. Why you would need so many applications in a watch, I have no idea. The screen will turn itself on when you look at it. How does it even know that you’re looking at the thing? 

I fear what I’m going to be like when I’m actually old, if I’m already struggling now. I fear how much further technology is going to go if we’re already in this deep. What’s next, a kettle that doubles as a babysitter and looks after the kids while you’re out? 

I have a Fitbit that tracks my sleep and can tell me when I am awake and restless during the night. I tend to do a lot of weird things when I’m asleep (my sisters can vouch for that. One night while I was asleep I allegedly told my sister Grace that I am God), so having a device that can let me know when I was restless during the night is pretty handy. But also scary. My Fitbit says I was restless for like 45 minutes during the middle of the night. What was I doing? Where did I go? Where did I come from, Cotton Eyed Joe. 

It was Back to the Future day the other day; October 21st 2015, the day that Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown travelled to in Back to the Future 2. We don’t have easy access to a lot of the things that they said we would by now, like we’re not all flying around on hoverboards, we don’t all have self-lacing sneakers, and we definitely don’t have flying cars, but we do have a bloody phone that can tell us everywhere we’ve been, a watch that knows when we’re looking at it, and a printer that can print a goddamn heart valve. Oh, what a time to be alive.    

  

 

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